i wish i could tell you how much it hurts me to see your face, to be reminded of that beautiful face i once used to caress in my arms, now in another.
I have always been suspecting it but then again I had more faith in us. But this is too selfish of me. I should not be so petty about it. nick was right 9 months was indeed long its about time I moved on but I cant because you still mean a lot to me. I still care for you so deeply and I find it hard to love another guy the way I did with you.
I just wished you knew how much you meant to me because its that much time and tears wasted on you. It somehow feels that you're the only thing I messed up in JC and maybe thats the price I have to pay. You were the best experience I ever had in this past year and a half you were there for me at my darkest time when i was plagued by MAD, when APYLS was wearing me down; you were always there to answer my calls and prayers. You were so perfect I just couldnt see it then. Good then, shame on me for realising too late and having to live with regrets now.
I wanted to throw away the macaroons boxes and burn all your letters because they're just too painful for me to see lying around the house. I remember how you came to the hospital almost daily for a week during the December holidays to visit me when I was sick. I would be sleeping and you would just just stand by the side and watch me. Then somehow I would open my eyes and you would be just there standing and overlooking. You would walk over silently and hold my hand and tell me everything's gonna be fine. Then you would sit by the side hold my hand and watch me fall asleep. And i know you were then busy with interning with SPF but you still made the time to come down despite your busy shifts.
You came on the eve of Christmas after your parents party you bought a gift we went to the guest room. I still remember that look in your eyes when you first saw me in my sickliest health, and it made me want to cry because I can see the misery in your eyes. And then you countdown-ed to xmas with me, in NUH in that private little room, and I felt so loved. You bought such a lovely gift, little did I know it was going to be the last. In a way, its funny how you chose to send your last gift reminscent of the first.
29 August i still remember, a day before my birthday you first asked me out for dinner. I remember taking hours to dress up and get ready. We had so much fun laughing at each other's stained lips from the Squid Ink Pasta and that night was when we first held hands. We walked down Jalan Kelutut hill and it was dark and we were so awkward. heeehheee we were very insecure about our hands we didnt really know what to say. but anyhow we went home and crashed a condo next to ours where you sat me down, took out a box from your bag and presented me a box of macaroons.
25 Dec 00:00 I unwrapped the Takashimaya wrapping paper and there I saw macaroon boxes and you are so incredibly sweet I squealed and gave you a tight squeeze.
You were the perfect boyfriend why did I let you go why did I not see that before. I wish I could turn back time now and amend the mistakes but I know things dont work that way. I dont really deserve a second chance. and now that you found someone else i guess its also time for me to pass on the blessing because I know she'll be incredibly happy because you're so wonderful. And its my loss indeed for letting you go. Im sorry. It sucks having to love someone from afar but I guess if I really love you I would want you to be happy. And I know you'll be way happier with her. So best of luck and please make her the happiest girl in the earth just like how you made me at that point in time.
I have always been suspecting it but then again I had more faith in us. But this is too selfish of me. I should not be so petty about it. nick was right 9 months was indeed long its about time I moved on but I cant because you still mean a lot to me. I still care for you so deeply and I find it hard to love another guy the way I did with you.
I just wished you knew how much you meant to me because its that much time and tears wasted on you. It somehow feels that you're the only thing I messed up in JC and maybe thats the price I have to pay. You were the best experience I ever had in this past year and a half you were there for me at my darkest time when i was plagued by MAD, when APYLS was wearing me down; you were always there to answer my calls and prayers. You were so perfect I just couldnt see it then. Good then, shame on me for realising too late and having to live with regrets now.
I wanted to throw away the macaroons boxes and burn all your letters because they're just too painful for me to see lying around the house. I remember how you came to the hospital almost daily for a week during the December holidays to visit me when I was sick. I would be sleeping and you would just just stand by the side and watch me. Then somehow I would open my eyes and you would be just there standing and overlooking. You would walk over silently and hold my hand and tell me everything's gonna be fine. Then you would sit by the side hold my hand and watch me fall asleep. And i know you were then busy with interning with SPF but you still made the time to come down despite your busy shifts.
You came on the eve of Christmas after your parents party you bought a gift we went to the guest room. I still remember that look in your eyes when you first saw me in my sickliest health, and it made me want to cry because I can see the misery in your eyes. And then you countdown-ed to xmas with me, in NUH in that private little room, and I felt so loved. You bought such a lovely gift, little did I know it was going to be the last. In a way, its funny how you chose to send your last gift reminscent of the first.
29 August i still remember, a day before my birthday you first asked me out for dinner. I remember taking hours to dress up and get ready. We had so much fun laughing at each other's stained lips from the Squid Ink Pasta and that night was when we first held hands. We walked down Jalan Kelutut hill and it was dark and we were so awkward. heeehheee we were very insecure about our hands we didnt really know what to say. but anyhow we went home and crashed a condo next to ours where you sat me down, took out a box from your bag and presented me a box of macaroons.
25 Dec 00:00 I unwrapped the Takashimaya wrapping paper and there I saw macaroon boxes and you are so incredibly sweet I squealed and gave you a tight squeeze.
You were the perfect boyfriend why did I let you go why did I not see that before. I wish I could turn back time now and amend the mistakes but I know things dont work that way. I dont really deserve a second chance. and now that you found someone else i guess its also time for me to pass on the blessing because I know she'll be incredibly happy because you're so wonderful. And its my loss indeed for letting you go. Im sorry. It sucks having to love someone from afar but I guess if I really love you I would want you to be happy. And I know you'll be way happier with her. So best of luck and please make her the happiest girl in the earth just like how you made me at that point in time.
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