deafening silence

its just so, so tempting. then again im 19. i dont want to spend my life thinking about "what ifs" and "should haves". they all tell me im in a fortunate position because such a guy only come round once in your life. i know that and thats why im still holding on so tightly, but there are just so many trees out here in the forest, and you've no idea how hard it is for me to say "no" because they're all attractive and suave. i know its all a pretense though, i mean everyone's first impression would always be like that and its what happens once you get to know them better right. i know all of these YET at the back of my mind, a part of me wants to try something new. fresh, novel, excitement, wanderlust, unpredictability, the perils of teenage love, the self-destructing love. YET i know its not healthy, and not practical, and why not just stick to something comfortable and sustainable. and what more can i complain seriously. why nico, why are you s

a part of me wants to hold on, but the other part is screaming for me to let go. i do love you, always have always will. but being in a relationship is something different my love. you need the right girl at the right timing for it to happen. and for us, maybe its a problem of the non-intersecting 6 years our lives combined. no pain no gain i know, no risk no reward i know that too. i dont know what to do and maybe im not going to do anything cause this is all just too confusing. the one thing i know is that i do love you. and thats the hardest part for me.