deafening silence

i wish i could tell you how much it hurts me to see your face, to be reminded of that beautiful face i once used to caress in my arms, now in another. I have always been suspecting it but then again I had more faith in us. But this is too selfish of me. I should not be so petty about it. nick was right 9 months was indeed long its about time I moved on but I cant because you still mean a lot to me. I still care for you so deeply and I find it hard to love another guy the way I did with you. I just wished you knew how much you meant to me because its that much time and tears wasted on you. It somehow feels that you're the only thing I messed up in JC and maybe thats the price I have to pay. You were the best experience I ever had in this past year and a half you were there for me at my darkest time when i was plagued by MAD, when APYLS was wearing me down; you were always there to answer my calls and prayers. You were so perfect I just couldnt see it then. Good then, shame on me for