deafening silence

a part of me wants to hold on, but the other part is screaming for me to let go. i do love you, always have always will. but being in a relationship is something different my love. you need the right girl at the right timing for it to happen. and for us, maybe its a problem of the non-intersecting 6 years our lives combined. no pain no gain i know, no risk no reward i know that too. i dont know what to do and maybe im not going to do anything cause this is all just too confusing. the one thing i know is that i do love you. and thats the hardest part for me.

i wish i could tell you how much it hurts me to see your face, to be reminded of that beautiful face i once used to caress in my arms, now in another. I have always been suspecting it but then again I had more faith in us. But this is too selfish of me. I should not be so petty about it. nick was right 9 months was indeed long its about time I moved on but I cant because you still mean a lot to me. I still care for you so deeply and I find it hard to love another guy the way I did with you. I just wished you knew how much you meant to me because its that much time and tears wasted on you. It somehow feels that you're the only thing I messed up in JC and maybe thats the price I have to pay. You were the best experience I ever had in this past year and a half you were there for me at my darkest time when i was plagued by MAD, when APYLS was wearing me down; you were always there to answer my calls and prayers. You were so perfect I just couldnt see it then. Good then, shame on me for

Okay, so I got it wrong it wasn't suppose to be 5 informative websites. Anyway I should have thought of that right? I mean why would anyone link the whole wikipedia site? That really is silly of me. Anyway okay, this is where I would make the necessary changes. But before that, let me talk about how SMELLY ground up eggshells are. I swear, they are worse than ten times the intensity of ammonia shoved in your face. Anything but smelling the smashed up eggshells again oh good gracious. Anyhow, yong giwon and I did enjoy ourselves very much. I guess its the good company as well. Peeling egg whites off from eggshells would be a terribly boring thing to do without the company of such funny and nice friends, and of course a really humorous teacher who keeps playing bejeweled. Before that, Julia was saying she plays bejeweled too and that got me thinking. Why do i always not play games that most people play? I play games like Fastest Reaction, the Idiot Test and Typershark and games which

& the five informative sites such well self-explanatory titles HAI DR NG. So, suppose to find 5 educational and informative sites which helped to explain certain new ideas or concepts I came across which is beyond my ken. Well this is all the more appropriate for me to do, because firstly, I tend to not understand new things very well, and second, I always look to the internet for help. Hooray. Score. 01) Okay first, Wikipedia would top my list. Common as it is, inaccurate as it might sometimes be, it is definitely the most convenient and useful site which I would go to for any new concepts that need explanation. It also compartmentalise information for you like background, examples, history, so it is easy to filter through the information to get to where you want to read. Thumbs up. http://www.wikipedia.org/ 02) Is Youtube counted? Media, video and interactivity are very my thing, it really makes learning so much more enjoyable yet memorable. They say a picture paints a thousand w

& we are what we eat The fifth and (might be) final article of the day, at least: Green food choice may not be so green All vegans and vegetarians out there, you might not be doing as much good as you think you are doing. The author stressed that the reduction of greenhouse emissions for the whole of food consumption, if everyone were to become the aforementioned vegans or vegetarians or all of the above, is only a mere 7%, which is very measely, compared to lets say reducing industrial emission. Just to do a short quote: "We should be paying more attention to social learning and to the notion of working towards food sustainability and security. In general, sustainable consumption might be possible by introducing services to substitute for material consumption. Although food itself cannot be substituted, a lot can be done at the household level to improve sustainability of food provisioning and reduce food wastage." Well the author is being very vague here but what I can

& the tale of a new city There you go the fourth article: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/09/26/arts/design/26masdar.html which is by far the most interesting. A sustainable city rises amidst the Arabian desert. The architect and developer of this project mentioned on how he reflected on past civilisations and their way of life and drew inspiration from how simple yet sustainable the living conditions are for people at that time, and decided to mold it to fit our 21st century context, which I thought is something really ingenious. It is really interesting in the end, how humans tend to draw inspiration from history or the past for future development, which is really ironic if you think about it. Doesn't this cycle or pattern say something about the development of civilisation over the past hundreds of years? That sometimes we should just be contented with our current situation and not embark on projects which are out of our boundaries i.e compromising the other aspects such as the

& Going Backwards And the third article: Ethical issues ignored in teaching, research of sustainability, expert argues Woah, this article really forms the heart of the issue, doesn't it?

& SERIOUSLY, I PREFER MY OLD VOLKSWAGEN There we go, my second article: Plugging Into An Electric Vehicle Revolution . Such a funny thing because I've seen lots of news on how companies are trying to come up with a new electric car which uses lesser fuel, is electrically-charged and environmentally-friendly, and I never really thought about it as a revolution. Revolution is a powerful word to use here, my history teacher used to tell me. Not every commotion is a revolution, he says. But in a way yes, environmentally-friendly vehicles might just be the key to save the world. Just look at the often congested (no I would not use congested, but squeezed rather) roads of China and India and you see just how much CO2 was emitted while the seconds tick. And urging the public to take public transport is not going to be a long term solution, moreover, I still want to drive and look cool. So all hail the next nobel prize winner who would come up with an amazing electric car which looks r

& Such Happy News There we go, my first article: Americans using less energy, more renewables YAY hurray for Americans, finally they are doing something right. How accurate this report might be I am not sure. After all, isn't it slightly hard to balance environmental concerns in light of the global meltdown that plagued America so badly? But whatever it is, it is definitely a good start. Sometimes it only takes one global leader to act before the rest follows suit. What failed in Copenhagen recently is because neither global powers wished to be a pushover to cut down CO2 emission first, kind of like the arms race that happened 60 years ago, when neither country wished to reduce their number of nuclear weapons. But yay, a good start for the first article (:

& that man is not truly one, but two HAI DEAD BLOG. Desperate times call for the need to revive this dead since forever blog. I hope no one checks this though because what I am about to do with this blog is thoroughly embarrassing. You see, options grading are very important to a perfectionist like a virgo, so I've decided to use this for my Article Review which is 20% oh wow for my Chemistry Options Sustainability in the 21st Century. and HAI DR NG. So forgive all the links that I am about to put up soon, but in the way, it is a good way to do something like that instead of ranting on mindless egoistical words on my life blahblahblah. Who knows I might start actually doing something productive on the internet one day, like huh linking articles on my blog, rather than thinking of something cool to write on my fb status all the time? " With every day, and from both sides of my intelligence, the moral and the intellectual, I thus drew steadily nearer to the truth. by whose p

;armour me tight just a quick one before I go off to dreamland! monday is always a good day and I hope Jean's speech went fine today. she would totally kill it I just know. math really stinkssss. anyway I came home and watched miss universe pageant today teheheh! Its so hilarious hearing phionna and my mum, yes my mum, bitching about the girls' fake smile and abs and what not. I mean, they totally stole my job. hahaha it was so funny and the results were so unexpected because we expected Miss Australia or Miss Porta Reco (sp?) to win or something, and Miss Venezuela won AGAIN AGAIN. Gosh. the former 2008 Miss Universe was also from Venezuela and I think we all kindof get the point that the country grooms really beautiful women and talented stars but but isn't it enough alreadyy. anyway this year's really interesting to watch because its held in Atlantis, bahama islandssss (: oh my goose i swear that place is a paradise :/ OKAY OKAY I really could go on ranting about it

& when all else fails, we dont HEHEHHE (: im really happy today yay! im about 1/3 through BOF and its so amazinggg (: HEHEHEH OMG OMG OMG (: my weekend has been really nice and life is so much fun when you forget exams and all! LALALALALAAL (: ANYWAY I THINK LEEMINHO IS SO SO CUTE (: AND AND I LOVE TALKING ABOUT HIM TO SAM. I have to marvel sometimes, at what life throws at me yknow. Anywayy I think im being very foolish getting addicted to a korean drama which everyone watched 100 times over and maybe already got over it. So, I have so few people to squeal to but thank goodness for sam sam sam (: HEHEHEH OH ANYWAY I went to catch GI JOE with alanna and samantha after our chineseee paper and idk but that moment kind of marks the start of the escatic feeling I have now! Maybe, I do derive joy from all the friends, going out and everything. But sometimes, it can be dangerous cant it. I do have to learn how to spend time with me alone and maybe go to movies alone. WHICH I AM GOING TO

omg omg look at the below post, I didnt even realise that I blogged on 11.11pm (: (: (: I promise it wasn't intentional. Isn't life so amazing sometimesss

& born into eyes not by my own decision (: im feeling so happayeee hehehhe cause i just finished watching boys over flowers on teevee. yes, im following the teevee's slow pace of showing BOF and and i know its a little slow now, because everyone has already watched bof like ten times or something and im still stuck at the 12th or 13th episode but that's the whole point (: I am going to train myself to endure and wait patiently for every week to come, then only will I appreciate it even more right! So, no one disturbs me on saturday nightsss (: Anyway this week was pretty much really hectic. Especially history pt gosh, but I was really lucky to have such amazing friends who came down and film for me (: You know I realise that sometimes a little could really go a long way, and sometimes an insignificant "how are you""might actually make a person's day! So, never underestimate the power of mankind (: So now that most of the pts are done, except SS, I have to

OH I FORGOTTEN TO ADD IN today someone sent a text saying something about that moment being the, 12 . 34 seconds, 5.6 hours and 7 th ( 8 ) august 200 9 so i think its really cool like 7/8/09 kindof thing? but there would be 8/9/10 next year so i guess its not once in a lifetime ? but its even more special this year, cause it lies in the month of august (:

; feel it, if not get out. AHAHA OMG OMG OMG IM WATCHING TITANIC ON YOUTUBE AND IT really makes me want to cry all over again. omg omg save me please. at this rate im living life, im going to really migrate and live on a cruise and wait for Jack for a century. AH this is killing me. anyway, philo lesson today was so so so funny. hahahah, commensense realism and whats the other one. It is so funny because we all started doubting ourselves and like its really scary you know, having all that you always believed in suddenly become an illusion. Anyway really cool stuff to know HAHAHAHA go go google plato's cave and the hollow mask effect yes yes! SO NDP today was pretty good I must say, courtesy of my dogs (: but I was mainly rushing around and stuff with alanna and boon so didn't really get to enjoy the performance that much BUT WHY are there such few songs this year anyway pfftt. I always love the last part of ANY school events when we all sing songs and jump and shake sexy asses

dont run so fast, please ; i've never been so disappointed in myself ever. Never thought I would have this day, though. I always thought I knew the meaning of contentment and good-enoughs. but life demands much more. why ): this is eating me up. bit by bit, I swear. i cant catch up.